We’ve all heard, a million times over, that strong eye contact is one of the keys to building attraction with a woman.  Rightly so.  There’s truth and science that backs up the power of eye contact to create attraction and a rush of butterflies.  If you’re a guy that’s shy around women, you need to train yourself to look at them dead in the eye and cross into that uncomfortable territory.

I want to address an equally powerful, yet often overlooked mechanism for triggering attraction in this post though… Breaking eye contact, looking away from the woman, and making her wonder how to get you to look at her.  Having evasive eyes.

Most guys do one of two things… They either act like they’re busy and not interested in the woman. They’re nervous and they’ve been conditioned over time not to make eye contact with women.  They fear being creepy!  Gasp!  These guys are not playing the game.  They’re not looking at the woman out of nervousness, not because they’re being gamey!

Or…on the other end of the “no game” spectrum… They try too hard to have an intimate moment with the woman and they search hard for her eyes, in too obvious a way.  They leverage everything they can to try to get the woman to lock eyes.  They think if they could just catch her gaze she’ll see their interest.  They often do this with a serious expression, too.  They think this intimate stare will spark attraction.


Good eye contact is a balance of making and breaking it.


There are times to look away from the woman and get distracted.  There are times to stare away from the woman and get a far off look in your eye, as if you’re pondering something.  There’s a time to stare at something in proximity of her and let your vision blur slightly.  While staring in this way, simultaneously you can see her out of your peripherals.  Is she observing you?  Is she subconsciously using this moment to run her fingers through her hair while looking at you and observing you?  Is she wondering why you’re not looking at her? Good.


You need to give the woman a chance to observe you.


Most guys are glued to a woman’s every move.  Think about it.  Have you ever been attracted to a woman and found yourself being super vigilant of what she’s doing at all times?  She stands up from a stool and walks a few feet away and leans against a table.  I’ll bet your head swiveled over in her direction to see what was going on.  She yells something to her friend, and there you are, eyes darting over in her direction.

She looks at you, you look back at her and then nervously look away.  A second later you’re glancing right back at her.  She’s looking at you still, so you quickly shuffle your eyes past her in the other direction.  Been there?  I know you have, because we all have.  We’ve all done it.  We’ve all not OWNED our eye movement because we were nervous and feeling insecure.


What if you were the guy that abruptly stood up from your chair and walked past her, without looking at her, drawing her eyes towards you?  What if you were the one chatting loudly with your buddies and drawing her attention to you?  What if she was wondering what she had to do to catch your gaze so she could send some sort of signal of interest to you?  What if you flipped the script?! 


Mind you, we’re talking about doing this in a controlled way, not in a nervous and unconscious way.

This is an entire half of the eye contact equation that gets neglected and that most guys don’t think about.

Visualize a few different scenarios where you’ve been the nervous guy avoiding eye contact.  Visualize a few times where you were the guy trying too hard to lock eyes with a girl and were constantly glued to her.

Now visualize the opposite end of the spectrum, the other edge of the sword, the other side of the coin… Can you see yourself doing that in your mind’s eye and REVERSING the tide?  Ah, doesn’t that FEEL better?!  Now go try it out!

Don’t take this to the extreme and never make eye contact with the girl!  You need to be able to do both.  You need to know when to transition.

One final thought I’ll leave you with… This is not manipulation.  This is flirting and attraction building.  We’re not doing this to deceive and manipulate.  We’re doing it to signal to the woman that we’re a man of value and control that knows how to flirt.  We’re doing it to separate ourselves from the other average dudes out there.  Use this tool for attraction building and persuading the woman that you’re a man of worth.


There’s a difference between persuading/influencing and manipulating right?  Right.