Being controlling is a HUGE deal breaker, for both men and women.

There is a fine line between wanting to influence someone in a positive way and wanting them to behave in a way that is pleasing to you.


There’s nothing wrong with challenging someone, bringing out their best, persuading, influencing, and inspiring.  There’s also nothing wrong with a little hot/cold playful flirting early on in the relationship.  Who doesn’t like a little kink in the bedroom as long as it comes from a place of mutual respect and agreement?

Trying to control a woman’s behavior will backfire though.  Many women have been in controlling relationships or they’ve witnessed friends and family members deal with controlling partners.  They’re very keen to these subtle behaviors.  Women, of course, can be just as controlling as men, but let’s stick to focusing on men for the sake of this post.

Do you find yourself wanting a person to be different than the way they are?  Be honest.  Do you wish that girl would text you more, call you more, have sex more regularly with you, and generally conform more to your ideal?

You have to be with and like someone for who they are and not who you wish they were.  Don’t be disappointed when you NEVER find a woman that exactly matches the ideal vision you’ve held in your mind.

Do you find yourself giving up control, but secretly doing so to SNAP control back in your favor?  You’re still controlling. 


It’s maddening isn’t it?

Giving up control in well-timed ways and playing too much of a push/pull card is still controlling behavior and a savvy woman is going to pick up on your game.

Again, I want to stress that I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with playing a little push/pull in a flirty way, for fun, and with good intentions.  We want to feel desire and want and so does the woman.  Sometimes we have to use these tactics to snap her out of her fog and make her realize that you’re a savvy, fun, and coy guy.

Learning to build desire and sexual tension with a woman is important.

Where you have to be careful though is when you’re doing it for your own selfish reasons without regard to what the woman wants.

Here are some behaviors that will not work out to your advantage in the long run… There are consequences that come from these… Some of these are active tactics and some are passive…

-Not revealing your true self and shape shifting your personality

-Intentionally talking less to try to create a vacuum of mystery of sorts

-Intentionally talking more to get inside her head and change her mind

-Being aloof and distant

-Being emotional, sad, and blue

-Being angry and erratic

-Being inconsistent and unpredictable

-Not being forthright with your needs

-Compromising your boundaries to get what you want

-Acting in ways that you think she will find pleasing

If I sit here and list out all of the different tactics that people use to manipulate, I would be here for the rest of my life as it is a LONG list and it keeps getting longer every moment it seems!

Listed are just a few off the top of my head.

Here’s the dilemma… When you really like someone, you tend to take the attitude that you’ll do whatever it takes to win them over. 


It’s a natural human tendency to want to cut corners to get the girl.  You may sincerely believe that you’re perfect for her.  You may love her and want nothing but great things for her.

Still, if you start trying to control, whether in courting her or in the relationship, if she picks up on these behaviors, you will push her away, creep her out, and she will lose attraction for you.  Controlling behavior is weak.  It demonstrates a lack of some sort inside of you.

Maybe it’s a lack of self-love.  Maybe you’re not used to getting what you want.  Maybe you have a scarcity mentality of some sort when it comes to relationships.  Maybe you’re just a fear-based person in general.  Maybe you’re insecure and untrusting.  Maybe there’s some sort of childhood trauma that you haven’t resolved.

Again, like the different methods of controlling, the different reasons for the behavior are too many to list.

Here’s what you need to understand though… Controlling behavior is weak, it’s often very transparent, and it’s unattractive.  You need to try to get to the root cause of the controlling behavior and heal yourself.  By getting to the root, you will improve the bad behavior, and you will attract better women and relationships into your life.

That, unfortunately, will not be covered in this post!

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