If I’m going to kick a soccer ball into a goal, shoot a basketball through a hoop, “fill in the blank with one of your favorite activities”…
What’s going to be more effective… Being 100% focused on the task at hand, or being somewhat focused on the task at hand and having another part of myself worrying about what others are thinking?
Of course the solution is to not care what other people are thinking and just focus on striking that soccer ball to the best of my ability.
I’m not advocating that you completely disregard the judgments of other people. We can’t charge through life not caring what anyone thinks, but we can’t live our lives constantly caring what other people think either.
Both extremes are bad.
Women are pretty intuitive… When you have one foot in the water and one foot out, the woman you’re interacting with won’t necessarily know what’s going on inside your head, but she will likely sense there is something “just off” about your demeanor.
If you feel like you’re being observed by people when you approach a woman, and/or if you fear what the woman is going to think about you, then you aren’t fully committed to the interaction.
It’s not guaranteed that you will mess things up if you’re worried about being judged, just like you might still score that goal on the soccer field, but you are much more likely to succeed when you stop fearing what other people are thinking about you and you just go for the girl.
Letting go of the worry frees up energy and allows you to reallocate that energy to the present moment making you more effective and aware.
Being aware and present are attractive qualities that women respond to subconsciously too. They often can’t explain why they are attracted to certain men…
Often times, it’s men that are present and aware of their surroundings that are creating an invisible gravity that women find themselves drawn to. This gravity is created by not being too trapped in their heads.
A little fear and insecurity is okay, normal, and healthy. Women will forgive a touch of nervousness. Many will even find it flattering. However, having an overblown fear of what other people are thinking about you draws you out of the present moment, makes you less aware, less effective, and less attractive.
Most people aren’>t judging you as harshly as you think and the ones that are, aren’t people you should pay any attention to anyway.
The next time you decide to approach a woman, fully commit. Don’t have one foot in and one foot out. As long as you are being respectful, who cares what anyone thinks.
These “fully committed” approaches will accelerate your learning curve, make you more effective, and increase your attractiveness. See if you can do it. It might take some work, but just like any skill, you can build it over time through conscious effort. You’ll be happy if you do.