I was doing a free-consultation for a prospective client recently. After speaking with him for a short while, I couldn’t help but ask a blunt question to him… “John, do you think you might be a sex addict or at least have a borderline sexual addiction?” (We’ll call him John for the sake of this post, but that’s not actually his real name)

Without any hesitation, in an almost “bragging” tone of voice, he responded “Oh, absolutely… without a doubt. Just to be clear though, that’s not something I have any desire to give up.”

I was amazed at how quickly he responded to this question and how he almost seemed PROUD of himself. There was almost a chuckle in his voice as he said this to me.

Let’s be clear about something, too… Sex addiction can include watching lots of pornography and thinking about sex too much. John is not someone that has a lot going on in his dating, relationship, or sex life. He wants to attract more women into his life, but he suffers from lots of anxiety and nervousness around women.

For more symptoms of sexual addiction, check out this link… http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-sexual-addiction/000745

“Ok, John… I understand that you enjoy sex, but what if I told you that sex addiction could be holding you back from getting the thing you actually desire… Sex?”

He was understandably confused at this question and was having a hard time wrapping his mind around this concept and responding. “You’re telling me that my sex addiction could be keeping me from having more going on in my sex life? But… I want to satisfy that desire for more sex. How can getting sex addiction under control lead to more sex? Doesn’t that mean having less sex? I’m HAPPY being a sex addict.”

“John, people smoke cigarettes because it relaxes them and reduces stress in the moment. In the long run though, studies have shown that smokers tend to have higher levels of anxiety and stress than non-smokers. The same is true for people that drink alcohol. There is a temporary feeling of relaxation from drinking, but over the long-haul heavy drinkers tend to be less relaxed than non-drinkers or people that only drink in moderation. Can you imagine an alcoholic trying to drink his way out of his addiction? Or how about a smoker that thinks he can satisfy his desire for cigarettes by smoking more? They wind up deeper into their addiction and even less satisfied.”

It’s very counter-intuitive, but I have seen this pattern play out with many of my students, prospective students that I speak with on the phone, and guys that I know in my day-to-day life… They are nervous around women, frustrated with their dating life, and they’re not attracting satisfying connections with women into their life.

There is a difference between having a healthy desire for women and having a compulsive sex addiction that gets in the way of sex and satisfying relationships.

is it possible for John to be happy being a sex addict? It’s not.

There are many different definitions of addiction out there, but simply put, an addiction is something that is done regularly, compulsively, and habitually that GETS IN THE WAY of natural, healthy, balanced, and happy living.

The consequences of sexual addiction are far reaching. The elusive obvious consequence that I see manifest itself in many men is that it leads to less sex and less satisfying relationships with women. The men that I work with that have addictive tendencies, spend large amounts of time thinking about sex, watching pornography, and feeling frustrated and unsatisfied with their love lives.

The men that I work with that don’t have these addictive tendencies or that are able to get their tendencies in check, typically see faster improvements in their dating life, attract more satisfying relationships, are generally happier, and counter-intuitively THEY HAVE MORE SEX!

John, if you read this… I love you man!  😉

Thanks for reading. Be sure to check out the rest of my website and contact me if you’re interested in a 100% free and 100% confidential, consultation.