Building a solid lifestyle is important if you want to be successful with women. Let’s get that straight.
Let’s assume you attract a woman into your life. What kind of life are you bringing her into? Are you healthy? Do you exercise and eat right? Do you work hard and put an appropriate amount of energy into your career? Do you have hobbies? Do you have friends and a social life? Are your relationships others solid?
These things are all important, very important, but many men fall into what I call “The Lifestyle Trap”.
They falsely assume they can pour energy into their lifestyle and women are going to magically appear. They think they will radiate success and women will somehow automatically and subconsciously be drawn to them.
Is there a certain energy and aura that successful men seem to have? Sure. I think so. Some successful men do seem to have a certain look about them. They dress a certain way. They present themselves a certain way. They have an overall successful look and vibe about them, don’t they?
I’ve found that many men overestimate just how successful they appear on the surface, though. They also overestimate how many compatible women are going to actually take the initiative and approach them.
For most men (and women), it’s hard to find someone truly compatible. How often do you meet women that you’re attracted to physically and personality-wise? How many of those women are single and available?
How many of those single available attractive women are going to sense your value and engage you? Not many.
I know many successful attractive men, and the best of the best of them do get approached somewhat regularly. It’s rare that they’re approached by women that they’re truly interested in.
Women are much less likely to approach men than the other way around. I do believe that trend is shifting and modern women are being more proactive when seeing a man they’re interested in, but all in all, the old way of doing things prevails and men need to initiate interactions and open.
Too bad! So sad!
When a woman sees a man she’s attracted to, she’s much more likely to give off signals that she wants to be approached and put herself into an approachable position. She still expects the guy to make the first move, though. Again, I’m talking in generalities.
Another thing to consider is that there are a lot of guys out there that appear to be successful on the surface, but really aren’t.
How can a woman tell? Do you really stand out as much as you think you do?
When you go into a bar or club can you really tell the difference between the guy making $50k and $150k?
What about walking through the mall or grocery store? Can you tell by the way a guy is dressed how successful he is? Can you tell the difference between the guy raking in the cash and the guy that works at Nordstrom selling him his clothes?
How about online? Doesn’t everyone look like a million bucks online? Everyone puts his or her best foot forward, whether it’s on an online dating profile or on Facebook.
The bottom line is you most likely don’t radiate success like you think you do and your lifestyle alone cannot pull all the weight for you.
Women, in general, aren’t going to detect your success and value. They aren’t going to approach you and when one does, there’s a small chance you’re going to be interested in her, anyway.
This is “The Lifestyle Trap”.
It’s a false assumption that we can exclusively focus on building an attractive life and women will just magically appear.
I’ve met many guys that throw themselves into work incredibly hard. They’re in perfect physical shape. They have lots of friends and do fun social activities. They have a variety of hobbies and always seem to be taking on something new.
They don’t, however, have women in their lives!
They’re single for long stretches at a time and they don’t put effort into the actual act of meeting women. They don’t put themselves out there!
While they may have decent social lives, they’re not meeting women often through those social circles.
Unless you have a really solid game plan for how you’re going to meet women through your social circle, it’s not going to happen as easily as you think it should.
Just like guys falsely assume they can build a solid lifestyle and magically attract women, many men falsely assume building a solid social circle will work the same magic.
Here’s what it boils down to: Unless you want to leave it all up to fate, you need to be proactive in your dating life and work on the skill.
You need to dedicate a good amount of time to actually approaching women and practicing.
Women are not mind readers.
I’ll leave you with one final thought on this topic: The Lifestyle Trap is often a defense mechanism and a scapegoat for the real issue, which is fear of approaching women and taking action, and fear in general.
Men fear approaching women for many reasons and one of the ways they avoid facing these fears head on is they throw themselves into developing their lifestyle.
“Oh, I’ll handle that approaching women thing after I get a few things lined up in my life.” And tomorrow never comes!
When they get in shape, when they’re making more money, when they get a nicer place, when they get a little more social momentum going, then they’ll actually take action and develop the skill of attracting women.
What do you say to start a conversation with a woman? What do you talk about? How do you escalate the interaction and move things forward? How do you stand? How do you reach out and touch her?
How does the process of communicating your amazing lifestyle to her unfold?
How do you get who you are and what you do into her head?
A final thought: Balance is key. If you spend all of your time working on your lifestyle and never honing your skills, you’ll only get so far. Conversely, if all you do is approach women, you’re not going to have a solid life to bring the them into.
So make no mistake, you should build an attractive lifestyle, but balance that out with practice.
Also, be honest with yourself. Are you working on your lifestyle so hard because you really believe it’s the right path forward? Or are you lying to yourself? Are you letting your fear get the best of you? Is your attention and focus on your lifestyle a form of pain avoidance?
Face the pain! Don’t look for shortcuts! Get the skills needed. Hone those skills.